On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i black out too much to be "responsible"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
