I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
