in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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