There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
