i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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