He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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