i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
