my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
