I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
