You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
