i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
