My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
