I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
