im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
