that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
