He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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