Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
