I'm jealous of your bromance
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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