Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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