I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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