so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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