I'm really into asian looking animals
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
