theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
