i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
