are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
