i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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