I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
