his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
