Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
