Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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