if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
