is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
