she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
