Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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