How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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