Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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