Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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