Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cut my penus on the lid.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
