She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
