I met the friendliest cop last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
