I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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