high people should be assigned attendants
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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