i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
3 2 1 whiskey
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
