I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
