so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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