Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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