ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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