There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
