i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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