college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
